The Blerg Scale

So, I was semi-happily working at Big Financial Company (we’ll call it that for privacy’s sake) when I started to get the morning sickness. I say morning sickness, if morning sickness can occur thusly:

1. Happening all the time, even when waking up to pee at 3 am.
2. Causing nausea so severe I can barely walk.
3. Making me puke on the shuttle bus in front of my coworkers.
4. Abating only momentarily when there’s no one around and I have nothing important to do.

In the first two weeks, I tried valiantly to stay at BFC, but eventually it got to the point where I couldn’t even ride the shuttle half way to work. One morning, I literally jumped up from my seat, banged on the door to the bus until it stopped, then “chundered” all over the sidewalk.

The Hubs, ever the scientist, has invented a scale that I can use to quickly describe the level of nausea/sickness* when he calls me from work.

Behold: The Blerg Scale (named after Liz Lemon from 30 Rock, who is basically my alter ego).

1 - Ready to ride on a rickety, gypsy roller coaster at your local fair. Note: this will never be me, as I have terrible motion sickness even when not pregnant.

2 - Fine

3 - Call the Waaaaah-mbulance, it’s probably man-flu.

4 - Garden variety morning sickness - nausea that abates after ingesting copious amount of ginger, crackers and/or the small meals they keep telling me will help.

5 - Just rode on the Mad Hatter’s Tea Party ride 5 minutes after eating an ice cream, a churro, a chili-cheese dog and a portion of chips from the Friar’s Nook at Disney World.

6 - I need to borrow my mother-in-law’s gardening knee protector.

7 - “Oh God, seriously? Please can the rapture happen RIGHT NOW?”

8 - Call the doctor. AGAIN.

9 - Call a specialist in an area of medicine/astrology/alternative therapy that you previously believed was hokum.

10 - Call Dr. House. He needs to figure out how a person can vomit up their own organs. Note: it’s not lupus.

*In the UK, they very pleasantly and diplomatically call throwing up “being sick.” Except for my brother-in-law, who calls it chundering.

Luckily, I wrote this post a few weeks ago. As of today, I've actually not puked in about 5 days. I hope that I've turned a corner as I'm 12 weeks now, and I'm happy to report that currently I'm at a Blerg Scale 3 (whiny but not really all that sick). :)


  1. I took a phenergan every night with Harper for sleeplessness... and I didn't get sick at all. Hopefully it's in the clear.
    PS: You made me giggle! thanks.

  2. I have to add to my scale (being "ever the scientist"). It was actually much more complex:

    quote from email of 'support'(?)...
    I prefer a fully numerical scale, so instead of the predictable (e.g.) -7a, where a is tired and e is awake, let's stick with the 1-10 scale for uniformity.

    so I instate the "Peri-Natal Nausea and Lethargy Index"™, patent pending

    An example:

    Where -3 is a Nausea score, scaled using the new Blerg Scale (range = -10 -> +10);
    and (.)4 is a newly formed Lethargy score, minimum value '0' (awake), maximum value '9' (asleep);
    and 6 is from the Glasgow Coma Scale (so 6 is completely normal) (see wiki)

    On reflection, i see why Wendy stuck with the original 1->10 scale.


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