The Life Lessons of Candy Crush Saga

I have reached Level 65 in Candy Crush Saga.  For those not in the know, it's pretty simply a Match 3 game with a billion (okay 300+) levels that you can play on Facebook or on your preferred smartphone.  It has around 10,000,000 monthly players on Facebook, and it. is. addictive.    It has this little candy-addicted girl with boobs on her face (seriously, look at her, there are boobs on her face) who alternates between ecstatically happy when you are winning at the game and pathetically weepy when you are losing.

My husband thinks games like this are a time-wasting menace.  I think they have taught me lessons about life as I stretch my baby-addled brain to capacity.  I present these lessons to you with accompanying gifs and photos.

1.  If you mess up your lives, that's it.

You only live 5 times.  Just kidding!  Everyone who uses the acronym "YOLO" knows you only get a certain amount of time.  You might be one jelly square away from total candy domination, and your last life goes. To recharge, you have to wait.  It's the same with life.  You have use strategy to move in ways that won't get you dead.  UNLESS...

2.  You need friends.

In life and Candy Crush, you get to a point where you have to have friends help you out.  Whether they give you an extra life or help you get to the next, slightly more awesome stage of play, you have to have friends, and you have to ask for help.  Friends can also give you special bonuses that help you out when nothing else is working.  And it's reciprocal.  The magic of Candy Crush means you pretty much can't accept a life from others without giving one in return.

3.  Life throws you hurdles.

If I had to pick, Candy Crush would just get progressively harder over time, but IT DOESN'T.  It has random levels that take me 90 seconds to complete and some that take days.  I am currently on Level 65, and I'm not sure I'm actually going to complete it.

4.  In the same vein, it's also randomly positive and life-affirming.

I think there's a computer program part of the game that sometimes throws me a bone.  In the middle of trying on a certain level for days, I'll magically start with an amazing combination that makes it easier.  Just when I'm feeling like my life can't get any harder, randomly, God gives me a Sprinkle Bomb and makes life so much easier.  

5.  Money may not buy you happiness, but it makes life easier.

Did you know that you can spend your country's chosen currency to get yourself advantages in life?  If you think maybe people need to suck it up and just earn money no biggie, you might be a person who has done this.  Well, this is also true in Candy Crush, except IT'S A GAME. I can't believe there are people who spend money to get extra color bombs when you could just keep playing, but there are.  These people must be super-rich, because spending $5 on an extra pair of choppy teeth to eat all the locked candies seems really extravagant to me.

6.  There are going to be people who just don't care.

I have set all my Facebook game notifications so that I'm the only one who sees them on my timeline, and I only request stuff from people that I know actually play.  This doesn't keep people like my husband who have a notification for their notifications very happy.  You can try and try and try, but they don't want to play, and they don't want to know that you're happy playing.  Just ignore them and keep on playing!

Finally, I had to add this picture because it's amazing.  Someone got their nails done with CANDY!!!