Gender Mythbusters

At the end of this very-informative blog, I'm going to tell you the sex of our baby, so either skip to the end, or be informed.

Back in the day, you had to be surprised about the gender of your child. People came up with a million different ways to tell without fetal (or foetal, if you're in the UK) ultrasound scans.

Here are a few fun ones:

1. The Chinese gender predictor chart - Because it's a patriarchal society, the Chinese culture has always preferred boys to girls (like most other cultures, really). The actual chart, which is 7,000 years old, was found about 700 years ago buried in a tomb, and it can still be seen at the Institute of Science in Beijing. Because of the one child policy, consulting this basically lunar calendar has increased significantly. It basically says that over a certain amount of time, women of the same age will have an increased chance of having either a boy or girl. According to a couple of online sources, it has a slightly more than 50% success rate, which means it's slightly more accurate than just guessing.

If you end up with a baby this cute, does the sex really matter?

2. High or Low - If your baby is carrying high, it's a girl. If it's low, it's a boy. WRONG! Women with babies of both sexes carry wherever. What to Expect When You're Expecting debunks this completely.

Forget high or low, you're still going to look a bit like an eggplant.

3. Sweet and Sour/Salty - When she was pregnant with Elizabeth I, Anne Boleyn allegedly craved sweet apples and puddings. So, when Jane Seymour wanted salty quail eggs, Henry VIII had them brought in from all over Europe, just because he knew it was a boy. A lot of these suppositions seem to be about opposites, because of course, boys and girls are opposites in every way, right? I don't know what it means that I want to eat bags of Sour Patch Kids, since they are both sour and sweet, although I kind of eat bags of them when not pregnant anyway.

What if you crave sweet and sour pork? What THEN?

4. Pizzaface - Apparently, girl babies "steal" your beauty. Really, they just make your face break out due to excess hormones. According to numerous blogs and opinions I've read, boys make you break out just as much, so I'll count this one as debunked.

Heidi Klum just laughs at your pimply misfortune.

5. The Ring Test - This one only works for steadily decreasing number of pregnant ladies that aren't wanton teenage hussies or old, baby-crazy spinsters with turkey basters, since you're supposed to use a wedding ring. However, I'm pretty sure any ring would work. You tie your ring to a string, and someone holds it above your belly. If it spins in a circle, it's a girl, and if it just wags back and forth, it's a boy. I don't have any super-accurate way to bust this myth except to remind you of that prevalent fad, the Ouija Board. I'm pretty sure it's just hand movement and the power of suggestion.

Clearly, these were not that accurate either, since none of my friends are married to Jonathan Taylor Thomas.

Now, I'll tell you my results from everything but the ring test, and we'll see if they're right:

1. Online Chinese Gender Chart - Girl

2. High or Low - Inconclusive at best (I would say my bump is right in the middle, except at night when I'm trying to sleep, then all up in my diaphragm keeping me from being comfortable or breathing.)

3. Sweet or Sour/Salty - Inconclusive (My cravings have been grilled zucchini/courgette, mangoes, and cheese and pickle sandwiches, so who knows?)

4. Pizzaface - Girl, maybe? (My face looks pretty gross, and I usually have great skin.)

Anyway, the MOST accurate method of gender prediction that is available to me is the "Cheeseburger or Turtle". On a fetal ultrasound, girl genitals look like a cheeseburger and boy genitals look a lot like a turtle. We went to the ultrasound on Wednesday, and I'll let my mom's favourite website announce the news:

Yes, Happycat, you CAN has a cheezburger, because it's a girl!